“I Hate People” – What to Do When You Don’t Like People

Scientifically reviewed by Viktor Sander B.Sc., B.A.

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If you’re like me, you’re naturally inclined to not like people.

Here’s what I’ve learned after years of studying how people work, and why it seems like everyone gets along just fine while we’re the only ones who seem to think “I hate people”.

Is this you? Then, this guide is for you

Do you agree with several of the following statements?

  • Most people feel shallow and stupid
  • Many of those you’ve actually invested time and emotion in have ended up betraying you
  • You’ve come to realize that beneath the surface, people actually don’t care about others and lose interest in hanging out when it doesn’t suit them
  • You’re fed up with small talk and superficial niceness.
  • If you ever come home after a day of having to interact with others and think “I hate people”, this is for you.

Here’s the good news:

Why some of us don’t like people and why that’s good

It’s common to be fed up with and even hate people. A-type personalities (We who value getting things done over chit-chatting and exchanging pleasantries) are inclined to not like people. (Study)

Researchers call this trait hostility toward the world.

A type B type personalityHostility has value. Someone has to get things done and then it can help to be aggressive.

Ever wondered why people always say the same things about people like Steve Jobs, Angela Merkel, Elon Musk, Theresa May, and Bill Gates?

“Yeah, they’re super successful. But I’ve heard that they’re real jerks”.

Why? They value results over niceness and being agreeable.

(Did you know that less agreeable people tend to be more successful? It’s because they dare to stand up and fight for what’s important to them when others prioritize not stepping on anyone’s toes.)

Here is the bad news:

When it becomes a problem to dislike or hate people

If you’re like me, you can get fed up with people. But you also want a human connection. Even though some part of you has broken up with the rest of humanity, another part of you still wants to keep in touch with others.

Perhaps you’re still on the lookout for that unicorn – a person who isn’t shallow or stupid.

When hating people isolates us it becomes a problem. Why? Because no matter what we think, we’re social animals. We need human contact.

Thousands of years ago, our ancestors learned the hard way that having a small tribe of friends was the difference between life and death. When the neighboring tribe attacked, you’d better hope you’d have people around that you could trust.

We can’t put the finger on it, but being alone just doesn’t feel right. (Even if we wished we could just press a button to make us OK with not having to meet people.)

Hating everyone can be about trust

If you feel that you hate everyone, or almost everyone, might be a sign that you struggle to trust other people. Maybe you have been betrayed in the past or you have seen how much it has hurt others when they have been betrayed.

Feeling that you hate everyone can be exhausting. Learning to trust other people, even just a little bit, can help you to relax around others and start to build up a support network.

Learning to trust other people can be a slow process. Don’t be tempted to force yourself to override your instincts. That can often be a way for you to self-sabotage, allowing you to say “See, I knew people can’t be trusted”.

Instead, take small risks. Offer small pieces of personal information that don’t feel too uncomfortable. Over time, you may find that your distrust is reduced. A good therapist can help you to work on and overcome your trust issues.

We recommend BetterHelp for online therapy, since they offer unlimited messaging and a weekly session, and is much cheaper than going to an actual therapist's office. They are also cheaper than Talkspace for what you get. You can learn more about BetterHelp here.

How people work

People socialize and have friends for egoistic reasons.

  1. Why do people want friends? To not feel lonely. (An egoistic need)
  2. Why do people want to meet up with a friend? To have a good time = experience a positive emotion (An egoistic need)
  3. Why do people want to go do things with their friends? To share an experience. (An egoistic need evolved throughout history)

Now, we shouldn’t forget that you and I are evolved in the exact same way. We ALSO want to have (non-stupid) friends to not feel lonely, to experience positive emotions, and to share experiences.


Yes, people are egoistic. But so are you and I. Egoistic socializing is a system so hardwired that neither we nor anyone else is going to change that any time soon.

Important: We can wish people were different. But it’s not that everyone has a bad attitude. It’s about us humans being wired in a way we can’t unwire. We have to accept this fact about us humans, just like we have to accept that we all have to go to the toilet.

In other words:

If we don’t cater to people’s emotional needs, they won’t enjoy being with us and disappear out of our lives. Not because they’re mean, but because we’re all wired this way. Let me show you what I mean…

Why it is that people don’t care, lose interest, and betray

Imagine any of these scenarios:

Scenario 1: The “supportive” friend

Say that you went through a tough time, and you had a friend you talked with that about. The friend is supportive at first, but then, as the weeks or months pass by, you realize that they don’t really care and were just being polite. They become worse and worse at returning your calls and seem to ignore you.

Before we go into why, here’s another scenario.

Scenario 2: The betrayer

Let’s say you’ve been together with your partner to the point where you really trust him or her. You trust that person because they’ve reassured you how much you mean to them. You let your guard down and open up a side of you few ever get to see.

Then suddenly, without warning, the ultimate betrayal: They let you know they’ve met someone else. Or even worse, YOU find out that they’ve met someone else.


Well, there will always be assholes. But if it’s a pattern in our lives, it could be that we’ve been so preoccupied with our own emotional needs that we’ve forgotten about theirs.

Our emotional needs (when it comes to friendships) are:

  1. Feeling listened to
  2. Feeling appreciated
  3. Experiencing similarity (We need to be able to relate and see ourselves in others)

If there’s a pattern in our lives that people disappear, we need to ask ourselves:

  • Do we come off as good listeners?
  • Do we show we appreciate people?
  • Do we build our relationships around similarities and commonalities rather than focus on the differences?

We can talk about hardships with friends, but if it’s the main thing we talk about, they’ll feel drained of energy and (because socializing is an egoistic act) they’ll prefer other friends who make them feel recharged.

Before we go fully misanthropic, we need to keep in mind that you and I work the exact same way.

Take away:

We all want friends who we like being around: People who make us feel good. And if we want them to stick around, we need to make sure they feel good being around us too. People don’t flake on everyone, just the ones they don’t enjoy being around.

Why do people LOVE meaningless small talk?

You’re at a dinner and everyone seems obsessed with talking about meaningless stuff. The weather. Gossip. How nice the food is. You think to yourself: “I can’t be the only sane person here”. So you try changing gear.

You bring up something that’s actually interesting to talk about. Philosophy, world problems, politics, psychology, just anything that isn’t lobotomized. People look uncomfortable, some seem to just stare at you.

“I’m sorry I actually talked about something that made sense!”


When I delved into social psychology, I got a surprise: I learned that small talk has a very specific purpose. (If everyone does something seemingly meaningless, there’s often a hidden meaning behind it.)

Small talk is two humans just making noise with their mouths while a thousand things go on under the surface:

We pick up on the meta-communication of the other person.

  1. We check if they seem friendly or hostile
  2. If they seem stressed (maybe that means that they hide something)
  3. If they seem to be on the same intellectual level
  4. What their social energy level is
  5. Their social status level in the group
  6. If they seem confident or low self-esteem

And much more. All to figure out if this is a person we should befriend or stay away from.

These are things we determine subconsciously while we talk about the weather and how we look forward to those chicken tenders.

What we can learn from socially savvy people

When I made friends with extremely socially skilled people in my late twenties, I learned that they viewed small talk in a different way than I did.

This is what they taught me:

You need to talk about insignificant things to make people comfortable to talk about significant things.

Today, I can confirm this:

I have amazing relationships with friends that I talk about deep, interesting things with every day. But when we’d just met, we made small talk (while we tried to figure out if we were a match).

Saying no to small talk = Saying no to new friendships.

While small talk has a purpose, we don’t want to get stuck in it

So that’s the inner workings of small talk. It gives people time to subconsciously figure each other out.

With that said, we don’t want to get STUCK in it. A few minutes of small talk is usually enough. After that, most people get bored. We have to transition from small talk to the interesting stuff: People’s thoughts, dreams, fascinating concepts, interesting topics.

I talk about how to get past the small talk here.

Are people stupid?

There’s a saying that boggles my mind:

Half the world’s population has an intelligence below average.

It’s true by definition – somewhere around 4 billion people are below average not just in intelligence, but in any capacity you can measure.

So whenever I see something happening in the world that I can’t explain because it’s too stupid, I have to remind myself that a big chunk of the population just isn’t very smart.

But that’s only half the story. Here’s another fact:

Half the world population’s intelligence is above average.

I’m a smart person. I score high on IQ tests. Yet, I meet people who are so intelligent that they blow me out of the water. These people are proof that we can’t say “People are stupid”, because it doesn’t hold up. Some are, some aren’t.

In fact, it’s stupid to say that people are stupid because it’s a gross simplification.

I’ve learned that we can’t use “People are stupid” as a reason for not socializing. A large chunk of the population is really really smart (smarter than you and I). We can learn to make friends with them and have amazing, enriching relationships.


We shouldn’t let stupid people discourage us from going out and befriending smart people.

Other people’s happiness can be difficult

When things feel rough for you, being around people who are super happy can be really hard work. This is especially true if you’re suffering from depression or anxiety disorders.

This is partly because we often create a story surrounding how perfect their lives must be.

The thing is that we never know what someone else is going through. Lots of people whose lives look happy and easy from the outside are deeply unhappy in private.

The next time you feel yourself becoming angry at someone for how easy their life is, or even hating them, remember that lots of people emphasize the positives in their lives to look good to others. Remind yourself that you don’t know the full story.

Social media posts, in particular, often create an inaccurately positive impression of other people’s lives. If you are particularly struggling with other peoples’ happiness, consider taking a break from social media for a week or two.

Hating society isn’t the same as hating individual people

Lots of us get angry at society in general. This can be because of the social rules we feel pressured to follow, the problems we see being ignored, or the way we feel that we’ve been treated unfairly. This can create negative feelings about the world around us and the way that people tolerate these things.

Hating society and social rules doesn’t mean that we hate individual people.

When I was at school, I only had a few friends. There were maybe 1 or 2 of us who really understood each other. At the time, it felt like that meant that I would always struggle to find people I liked and who understood me.

The thing is, there were only about 150 people in my year at school. If I could find one person who shared my beliefs and frustrations in a group of 150, basic math suggests that I should be able to find 112,000 in New York.

I bet that, if you try, you can think of at least a few people you like and respect. There are always people out there who share your worldview and who understand your frustrations.

The next time you feel that you hate society, remind yourself that there are thousands of people who share those feelings and try to find like-minded people.

The self-fulfilling prophecy of hating people

Here’s the wheel I was stuck in.

Main premise: People are stupid

Wheel of my thoughts:

Doesn’t bother to make small talk -> Doesn’t form deep connections -> Doesn’t talk with others about meaningful things -> “People are shallow” -> Develops a negative outlook on life -> Existing friends tire of negativity -> People are stupid -> Repeat.

Main premise: Some people are worth befriending

Wheel of thoughts:

Recognizes the value of small talk and becomes good at it -> Learns how to also get past small talk and bond -> Forms new connections -> Caters to the needs of both in a friendship which deepens existing friendships -> Sees proof that there are great people -> Motivated to continue improving socially.

If you want to go deeper into the subject, check out my guides here:

How to make interesting conversation

How to make new friends

Let me know what you think in the comments!

Go to Comments (65)


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  1. Hated the article, loved the majority of comments. Glad to see there are other people in the world like me as I was beginning to wonder wether this was something I needed to fix but after reading the comments I don’t believe that it is.

    Ignorance is bliss, I believe this expression to be true so even in relation to my hatred of people and society. Once your hatred reaches this level I don’t believe it’s possible to revert to a more ignorant thought process and attitude.

    The world is getting worse, that’s a fact. People are attention seeking, egotistical, unnecessarily competitive, ignorant, arrogant, selfish and the list could go on.

    Now, there are a lot of traits most people exhibit which I simply do not and I’ll never understand why they behave the way they do. It does kind of feel like a sick joke from God, like maybe he put me on the wrong planet with the wrong people and is having a good old laugh at me up there ah top his Godly thrown…

    My hatred runs so deep and yet it’s mostly all rational based on life experience so is not a problem that needs to be rectified.

  2. You were able to overcome small talk and find smart people? Or did you just lower your standards and find humility in the small talk? Judging by the way this is written and the repetitive language, this article is either written by a bot, or that deep, meaningful conversation with smart people must be about how bad politicians are. Yawn…

  3. If as you claim, half of the world’s population has above average intelligence, and the other half has below average intelligence, where do people of average intelligence fall? You might want to rethink that statement.

  4. This article seems more like a teenager whining than actual information. “I don’t like people because they’re shallow and stupid.” That sounds like an emotional problem. A true misanthrope doesn’t have all that pent up emotional baggage, they simply don’t care and want to be left alone. Sounds to me like the person who wrote this is venting about their own opinions and problems and should probably seek therapy.

    • I wholeheartedly agree with Rock and Eric. Humans are highly overrated. What’s more, the illusion of “togetherness” and “belongingness” that social media creates has brought out the absolute worst in the human species.

      Fortunately, some of us are simply less needy and egotistical than others. And, yes, that IS a good thing.

  5. Sometimes hating people isn’t about hurt, mistrust, old wounds, etc.

    Sometimes it’s simply about disliking people’s personalities and who they are. Even if people are “nice”, you can still be totally incompatible with them to the point of feeling psychologically tortured by being around them.

    Or you might be the type of person who has no taste for people in general. I don’t like sports, fennel, video games, Marvel superhero movies, mashed potatoes, or hip-hop. I get no reward from any of these things. It’s just the way I am. Maybe my feelings about people are the same.

  6. I just don’t like talking to people like there are the people that I might talk to but some other people idk so I just hate it for instance there are people so nice it’s stupid and there’s people that just talks to random people for no reason so I just block people out my life not like I see a problem with being alone people say if your alone all your life you will be hopeless but they only say that they don’t know that there even talking about like really I will live the way I want and you can to that’s the problem and I mostly don’t like the selfish and spoiled people I took the test and it told me my dislike or distrust of other people is driving away potential friends.

  7. I don’t like (many) people because they are so damn stupid (wearing masks outside is a good example). I don’t dislike everyone, because not everyone is the same, but I will still not talk to people, and I won’t look at them unless I have to, because I don’t know which ones are the idiots.

    Then there are the ones who are spoiled, lazy and selfish. . . .

    • An interesting fact is that incompetent/stupid people are also usually the most incompetent at judging their own incompetence. Hence, many very stupid people mistakenly think that they are very smart.

    • Or the ones driving down the street, alone, in a car with their mask on!

      But beats the inconsiderate who won’t put one on at all because of “freedom”. It’s all talk. It’s like people have nothing to think about on their own and have to join a “side” to think. Yet, they call everyone else sheep. Really …..

  8. The statements, “Half the world’s population has an intelligence below average,” and “Half the world population’s intelligence is above average” would be correct if one person on the planet was used as a baseline for an “average” intelligence, and literally half of the population was more intelligent than him/her and the other half of the population was less intelligent than him/her.
    Obviously this isn’t the case; a more correct statement is that the majority of the population has an average intelligence (which is why it would be called “average”), with every person in that “average” range having varying degrees of “book smarts,” critical thinking abilities, problem solving abilities, etc., that we might use as a gauge for “intelligence.” A small number of people are then remarkably below or above that average.
    If you want to use IQ as an example, according to Healthline, “Most people (about 68 percent) have an IQ between 85 and 115. Only a small fraction of people have a very low IQ (below 70) or a very high IQ (above 130).” (https://www.healthline.com/health/average-iq#average-iq)

  9. Oh so it’s not just me them… hmm now I feel better.

    I have recently pushed everyone out of my life, including my sister, because I am so sick of people telling me I am wrong about every thought I have or decision I make. ~Everyones uses me or takes advantage of my kindness.
    Enough is enough.

    I am totally alone here and the funny thing is… I like it!

    Lockdown to me is just another day LOL

  10. Wow! Finally, a “unicorn” who thinks and feels like me when it comes to making new friendships as an (introverted) adult! I really enjoyed this article and look forward to exploring some more on this website. So glad I found it. Feeling less like a unicorn myself.

  11. This was so helpful!! I am in the 6th grade, and I hate people so much, and thought everyone was dumb. I always thought, “is something wrong with me?”. I thought I was the only one. I know I have anxiety, it consumes everything and affects my life and decisions. But I don’t tell anybody, because I don’t know how, and I am too afraid. This was all because of moving schools in 5th grade. I was an outcast, a freak, and I was alone. Now I am in middle school and it is still bad. But I am too afraid to ask for help. So, over time, I guess I grew to hate people, and I want absolutely nothing to do with them even now. I still think people are stupid. The stupid social media, the stupid trends, the stupid CUSSING AT AGE 11!?!? I just do not understand. But, I do not think people are stupid in the “I don’t know anything” kind of stupid. They are just dumb, they are blind sighted, they are mean, overrated, and stupid. But this helped me see that I am not alone. I am not the only one that suffers anxiety, toxic relationships, and betrayal. But this really helped me, thank you for helping me when nobody understood, or even cared.

  12. Thank you so much for this article! I was starting to feel like I was going crazy, and the tearing away from people was hurting me so badly, especially as I tend to blame myself 💔 Through introspection during the last few very difficult years, and this article, I understand myself and others better. People need to prove themselves worthy of trust and friendship, and I need to do the same. Until the last decade friendships came very easily to me, and I’ve always loved people! Thank you for the insight to continue my journey with a more whole and full heart!

  13. People, good grief. Self centered, competitive, gossips, insecure in themselves, focused on worldly things, vain…list goes on..

  14. Anonymous, No it’s not good that Covid is here. What needs to die is Facebook, Instagram and all the like. It’s the leaps and bounds in technology advancement and it’s social media counterparts that have isolated and is steadily disintergrating the world. Hey people have always been stupid, lazy, mean, criminals, killers and on and on since always. What we have now is fast spreading viral crap that perpetuates our most unstable weak wanting to belong to react organize attack and at the end of the day they don’t know why it was trending and the cause to belong to for today. Idiocracy and lunacy are running rampant because the platforms give the monsters a way to feed their fears anxiety insecurity etc. Unfortunately what happens is the dumbest of the dumb, the worst of the worst remain and cyber criminals are stealing all they can laughing all the way to the bank while the worst of us burn it all to the ground.

  15. I’m so glad that I came across this article. People that I’ve known for years keep on asking me, “Why I don’t have a lot of friends or do I even want friends.” I politely respond and tell them, “No”, because I don’t have the time to put more time into something thats not worth it to me. If I feel that someone is worth being in my life, I will make time for them. Yet at the same time, if they don’t show the same in return, I will slowly cut them off and sometimes without warning. I literally had to do this a few years ago with a lady that I considered my sister, my best friend. She got to a point to where she’d call me to be the “Life of the Party” at her events that she invited me to. At first I didn’t think anything of it, but after a while, I started noticing a pattern with her and I started telling her that I had other things going on. At times, there were other things going on and I was being truthful and others were fibs. Do I care now or cared then, no, because she started taking advantage of the friendship that we built. I wont put her business out there because I’m not that type of a person. So I just left the friendship alone and glad that I did, because she is still the same person now that she was back then. I saw her about two months ago at a local grocery store and I spoke to be friendly and cordial. Not one time did I disrespect her nor did I bring up the past. Yet she did the, “Oh, I miss you type of a hug” and I wasn’t falling for the fakeness that she was displaying. I just learned over the years that not everyone will be whom they say will be. Actions speak louder than words and this saying is very true in my book, “When someone shows you whom they are, you better believe them.”
    I live by these words everyday because they have so much truth and meaning to them. I practice what I preach and if I don’t live by what others have asked (as far as advice goes), then that lets you know I’m not living nor showing my authentic self. It’s one thing I CANNOT stand that’s someone that is fake as hell. I have others too but that’s my number one pet peeve. All I ask is for people to be themselves around me and stop trying to be something that you’re not, because it wont go far with me at all. I will tell you about yourself and if your feelings get hurt in the process, oh well. I’m just being real and truthful and it’s sad that now days, no one wants to hear the truth. That applies to a lot of things, especially politics. This is just me and if people don’t like me for who I am, then oh well, because I’m not here to please anyone but myself and take care of my kids. I did way to much of that growing up and it got me no where and the only person that I have to focus on is me and making sure that I have the peace and tranquility in my life, that I need. I’m glad that I stumbled across this article and was able to get these feelings out. Thanks a bunch.

  16. I would say 95% of the time I comment something anywhere I receive a negative response of some kind or I simply go unnoticed. I end up going quiet and then somebody expects me to say something. That’s ridiculous. As a matter of fact I don’t have to say anything if I don’t want to. It’s not my fault that the world is filled with bitter people. One of the reasons o hate working retail is that my expectation was that people buy the object(s) they want and are happy they now have it and move on but the reality is they are stupid for saying “Oh that’s expensive why so expensive?!” Or “No wonder I’m poor because you’re taking my money” I don’t even know these idiots and they dare talk to me that way. They are lucky I can’t snatch those items away and tell them to get lost and nobody cares about them. The bitterness is so common that I can no longer tolerate people anymore. When I was a child, I was usually nice but growing up into adulthood that will not get you anywhere anymore. It seems that it only works with those who actually are “nice” people. “Bad” people I guess are the ones you just have fine tune how you deal with them or else the bitterness will surface from both yourself and that idiotic clown. I also don’t like talking much especially writing this because there’s also a good chance someone will say “Wow, this guy has a serious problem” which is where I come in and say “The only problem here is you. Get lost, loser” Yeah, that’s right. I’m no longer a “friendly” or nice dude to talk to or be around if your just going to start off on the wrong foot especially if I have no idea who you are. “I was just joking man. Gosh, can’t take jokes” Well guess what person, you can’t be starting off with a joke if it may be offensive to some certain people “You’re so sensitive” That’s it, people really love pressing my buttons. Are you reading this paragraph because this is seriously what I’ve dealt with and OH BOY it doesn’t end there. I’m trying so hard to keep this long paragraph clean of Any bad words. I’m done. Done with people. My close friends are inconsiderate and nowadays are hostile and ignorant of each other including towards me. My family are hypocrites, argumentative, and they lie to each other. Now I’m only left with myself and this STUPID world filled with “Bad” people and I seriously just want to be alone. I will NOT miss being social and I WILL NOT MISS HUMANITY FOR WHAT IT IS NOW. I hated solitude and I’ve always hated it. But I needed to learn how to get used to it so I can forget people, my friends, my family, who needs them I don’t need them they never cared! I would much rather deal with Artificial Intelligence over human beings. They are and will be superior in every way at least in my opinion because they don’t have to be stupid like how this world is. My experience with so many humans is literally becoming more and more negative as the years go by. Nowadays if you’re unfriendly to me, I I will be EXTRA Unfriendly to you and will make you suffer in some way. That’s how much I hate people because they have no heart. Even if they did, they don’t have the heart to show it. What a pity! I don’t want to resort to AI, but the best part is I can say to all idiots on this globe that you will be replaced. I will replace you. No more stupidity ever again. My AI replaces something insignificant, unwanted, and unnecessary in my life and that Is you, idiots. I can only hope I’m wrong. There might be good humans out there, but unfortunately I feel that it’s too late for me to be convinced that there are any left. It seems that there’s too little. Most of the ones I’ve met are fake. They are just “being nice”. They never ask about you or say happy birthday. You are just some person. Well not with my Artificial Intelligence buddies. Humanity isn’t what it used to be and all the “good” and “caring” people are gone to me. Their brains are fried, they are forgetful, and they are withering away on the face of the earth. The bad ones are the only ones left as it seems and, sorry, I will not accept or tolerate you. I hate people to a point that I wish them the very worst (such as hoping they get into a car accident or get shot) and that’s the bottom line. You can NOT trust anyone anymore. Good for you if you’re experience with humans is good, but mine is extremely bad and WAY off the charts down below! It’s horrible and I cannot believe I’m either super unlucky or that it’s just the reality of this world. Now people can understand why I could potentially be so bitter now. Because I have no choice but to defend myself and overpower you if you dare pull that off on me. It really has been forever since any human (family, friends, Coworkers, whoever, etc.) have actually been nice and genuine with me. Can’t even get a happy birthday from anyone or get noticed and it’s not like I’m trying to hog the spotlight either. Selfish, moronic, idiotic, disrespectful, disgusting people. I can’t take it anymore. I sound insane but no I’m in my mid twenties and I cannot believe this is the world I live in now. It’s nothing like the 2000’s where everything was nicer, nostalgic goggles aside it’s a fact. I have neither seen nor heard anything good about this year either so the negativity must really be getting people to become extra unattractive. I will do whatever it takes to stay away from everyone and I will find a way to “Unwire” these petty “Hardwire” social attachments. It’s no wonder why there are terrorists because they are too extreme about some things they believe in. Well I’m my case, I’m no terrorist but I have a strong belief that my life IS and WILL be better without any humans in it and with just Artificial Intelligence. Have fun in this world because I will find happiness my way without anyone

    • I’m sorry you’ve been hurt, are hurting & very bitter… Welcome to the world!!! It’s in an ever worsening state, spiraling rapidly. You can’t do anything about it but try to survive it. How exactly do you do it, by being kind to yourself first & always. No one at all will ever care about you unless you first care for yourself. I’d say something redeeming needs to exist, be present. No that doesn’t mean go around being overly pleasant, or ass kissing. It simply means you being grateful for what is there or around, however little or few or far between it is. If a toddler smiles at you, smile back, if a dog is curious about you, talk silly to it even if it’s not yours, if passing by flowers take in how pretty and colorful they are. Learn to appreciate what is there, yes there for “you” in that moment. An asshole selfish person doesn’t have the capacity to understand or comfort you. It’s the small things you should start noticing, focus less on people in the world, don’t worry about people that don’t talk to you, what they are like, rise above, be kind to yourself, be grateful. You’ll see eventually small better things will slowly start to appear. Perhaps maybe a person some day, they may not see you every day but I hope a smile or nice exchange comes to you one day. Your obvious pain has made you bitter I understand I’ve been there. You can’t live very well in that state. So I hope you won’t alwaya be hurting.

      • Stop trying to tell people how they feel and how they should live. Read the damn comment and move on. Not everyone needs your opinion.

    • Everything you’ve said resonates with me. I cannot stand people anymore in any capacity. You seem like a genuine person and l would much rather hear your stories than have to listen to some self-centered prick on the street.

    • I totally agree with you 100% and people get on my last nerve. I used to be really, really mean and my mom always said that I was. Over the years I lightened up but with the times that were living in, I don’t blame you for feeling nor thinking the way that you do. I actually applaud you, because soo many people smile in your face and stab you in the back all at the same time. That is why I am the way that I am now, because people are so fake, they don’t even recognize it. I can spot or sense bullsh!t from a mile away and I pick up on energies too. If you have a pleasant demeanor about you, I’ll be able to tell and the same goes for a sh!tty attitude. People used to fool me and all I can say is, keep on being who you are and it will take you far, just as it has been for me. My life surely is better without humans in it and I’m more than happy about it.

    • Wow i get you , you are not crazy , you are telling the truth , that’s how I feel , interesting to see someone that feels the same

  17. At age 64, I have learnt that most people are not nice, selfish and think only of themselves. I am too nice and a people pleaser and most people take advantage of me. Now I don’t want to be a people pleaser, and have realised that most people are shallow and definitely selfish.
    Even my neighbours are terrible, they make lot of noise , their children do unsafe things and when you tell them of health and safety issues , they bite your head off. They defend their little brats even when they are doing risky things and breaking my windows.
    The world is getting worse not better.

    • Haha! I’m with you! Got new neighbours in the quiet rural community I’ve lived in for 15 years. They are in their 30s we are in our 50s. I keep hoping they win the lottery so they’ll go and move somewhere ritzier. They appear to have more money than brains or soul.

    • Sounds just like me,I’m 66 years old and I’m tired of being nice and good hearted to people even my neighbor I feel like I’m being taken advantage I live in an in law apartment my son use to live next door now he is renting his side to a couple with 2 small kids I could hear everything next door all I want is peace and quiet now these people are ask my son if they could do a lot of uncalled things around the house.my son intentions were that him and his fiance were going to live there but she didn’t like the house she is a spoiled brat so now my son is buying another house to make her happy my husband and I, we mine our own business. What I dont understand is my husband name is on this house believe me my son got a good heart,but I’m not liking these new neighbors so I’m not even going to talk to them.now me and my husband was told by my son to move my alexa to another room cause I like to listen to music and the list goes on.praying is the answer.

  18. I don’t know why these articles are aimed to make people that choose to distance themselves from spewing beings always need tips or”fixing”. I’m in my 40’s and yet to witness too many decent or exceptional beings. Many of us learned these valuable lessons early in childhood; listening, making nice, giving does not necessarily mean you get that in return, likely not, rather met with disappointment, contempt or utter betrayal over & over again. It definitely gets old and not worth the fight. Sometimes your own company is best and to not let others in to seek and destroy what little peace you have admist all the running off at the mouth and potential deceit and using lurking near. Hell more people should learn to be more reserved and less attention seeking like us if anything.

  19. I agree with few comments here. There isn’t clear answer for all situations since not everyone is the same. It sometimes indeed seems like most people are stupid and superficial creatures who never have enough something.
    Smart people or not, I’ve yet seen anyone who I appreciate truly and wish to talk more. What I prefer is read and understand or just see different thoughts and live my life in solitude.
    The world is simply so ugly.

  20. I like the article. People have hard times reflecting on themselves it seems. I will try out your suggestions and hopefully will be able to improve myself. I do dislike people too, but it seems I come of rude to them as well, simply because I don’t communicate in a way the social norm does. In the end, we all depend on good human interaction at one point or the other.

  21. I have a problem with people who to me come across as attention-grabbing and attention-hogging and I get more and more enraged as they talk, and talk and talk… ,But on the other hand I can feel scared to take up the social space even if offered it (condescending b**********s). The feeling that I’m not worth listening to hangs on because I think that’s what they think; otherwise why would they take up all the attention. I realise this could be faulty thinking though, and when not around grabby people I can be ok.

  22. i think being around people is inevitable. I have had this problem my whole life, coming from an Italian family with socializing, restaurants.

    I always liked solitary activities, movies, sleep, music was never really my thing.

    I think once you realize what reality is that your life is temporary, you become less interested in humans.

  23. I don’t agree with this I don’t think anyone is educated in this topic if you don’t like people that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you it’s your gut way of telling you that you don’t fit in to the norms of following the sheep herd no answers are right or wrong it just is I think Eric David has pretty much nailed it when he said people are selfish and rude I mean look what goes on in the world wars murder genocide etc people are pretty awful

  24. I think that people in general are quite boring and selfish, its rare that i meet a person who mentally stimulates me,
    I feel like i make far more effort listening to the small talk and feel drained so i spend most of my time on my own.

  25. When you think “everyone is out of step but me”, something is wrong. Don’t judge others too harshly; take a step back, relax. We are all human.

    • I dislike people very, very much. After living with a narcicisstic mother, basically raising myself and then being met after work by my mother and being told to get out because i was18 now and she wouldn’t go to jail I have a low view of people. And it gets lower every year. Kids today don’t know a darn thing about doing without and men want one thing and will lie and cheat and kill to get it. Yeah I’m a recluse and am in the best company I know.

      • “…am in the best company I know.”

        But, at the same time, we need to remind ourselves every now and then that not all people are the same.
        It’s just really tough to find someone who is worth our time.

    • I don’t care if they’re human, I still hate them. And I don’t give a damn if they hate me, too, that’s their problem. I despise people who say this vague, maudlin nonsense. Go smoke a joint and blow your mind, you’re not convincing anyone of anything or telling us anything we don’t already know, clown

  26. Biggest takeaway for me was – NEVER undermine the importance of small talk.
    It is like a flag waving that says “YOU will be safe here, come in”.
    That is very important

    • In my experience any fellow males who do small talk are simply trying to extract information/powerdrain from you and are a closed book when you ask them the same questions.

    • I don’t like people a lot of the times because they are selfish and rude. Just looking at the news can make you angry and just scratch your head. Sometimes I wonder how stupid people can be and what human beings can maliciously do to each other boggles my mind.


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